NON-SCREEN FACE TIME

A recent study warns that phubbing—the habit of looking at your phone instead of engaging with the person in front of you—can seriously harm relationships. Snubbing someone by looking at your device instead of at them comes with unforeseen consequences. When we are physically with someone but mentally elsewhere, we engage in a whole range of nonverbal and behavioural signals that the human brain
interprets as social exclusion.

A loss of eye contact signals a lack of connection. We often don’t realize that when we turn our body to attend to our phone, it creates a physical barrier, signalling that we’re emotionally unavailable.

You can’t carry on a real conversation while also using your phone. The natural cues of connection—mirroring, nodding, smiling, reacting verbally, leaning closer—simply don’t happen. And without meaning to, we send the message: I’m not interested.

Research shows the long-term consequences in marriage and close relationships. Intimacy declines. Even deep commitments, like raising children together, can come into question. What seems like a small distraction turns out to be a serious relational rift.

This week’s parasha offers a counterpoint to our distracted lives.

In Parashat Va’etchanan, we encounter one of the most powerful declarations in the Torah: the Shema—”Listen, O Israel: the L-d is our G-d, the L-d is One”; (Devarim 6:4). Immediately afterward, we read:

“You shall love the L-d your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.” (6:5)

Love, the Torah reminds us, demands presence. The Shema is not just a theological statement—it’s a call to attentiveness. We are commanded to listen, to internalize, to teach our children, to bind these words on our hands and eyes, to write them on our doorposts.

And while this applies to our relationship with G-d, it offers a broader message about all our relationships. The act of loving—whether divine or human—requires intentional focus.

Later in the parasha, Moses pleads with the people:

“Take care, lest you forget the L-d, who brought you out of Egypt…” (6:12)

In Torah terms, forgetting is not passive. It happens when we stop paying attention.

Phubbing is a modern form of that spiritual forgetfulness. It’s not just a bad habit; it subtly communicates: something else is more important than you right now. It erodes the emotional and relational foundations that strong friendships, families—and communities—are built upon.

In contrast, our parasha invites us to reclaim kavanah—conscious, focused attention. Whether with our partner, our children, our friends, or with G-d, real love begins with presence. The Torah’s vision of relationship is one where we look each other in the eye, speak words that matter, and create space for the sacred.

So this week, inspired by Moses’ plea and the Shema’s call to listen and love, maybe we can put down the phone and lift up our eyes. What if we chose real face time over screen time? We might just reconnect—with the people we love, and with the sacred potential that lives in every moment of undivided attention.