What Comes First?

One of the most common regrets people express later in life is that they worked too hard and did not spend enough time with family and friends.
It is easy to understand how it happens. Work feels urgent. Emails need answering. Meetings are scheduled. Deadlines loom. Meanwhile, the people closest to us are always there. We tell ourselves that we will make time tomorrow, next week, or when things finally calm down. This is not a new phenomenon. It has been a human struggle for thousands of years.
In this week’s Torah reading, the tribes of Reuven and Gad approach Moshe with a request. They have large herds of cattle and see that the land east of the Jordan is particularly suitable for grazing. They ask permission to settle there rather than enter the Land of Israel with the other tribes. After Moshe demands that they first join their fellow Israelites in conquering the land, they agree and explain their plans: “We will build sheepfolds for our livestock here and cities for our children.”y

Moshe responds: “Build yourselves cities for your children and pens for your livestock, and do what you have promised.”

The difference is subtle, but Rashi notices it. Reuven and Gad mention their livestock first and their children second. Moshe deliberately reverses the order: first your children, then your animals.

Rashi explains: “They cared more for their possessions than their sons and daughters, for they mentioned their livestock before their young ones.” Moshe’s message to them was simple: “Do not do so. Make that which is more important foremost, and that which is less important secondary.”

It is a remarkably contemporary message. Most of us would never consciously say that our work, possessions or responsibilities are more important than the people we love. Yet our calendars can sometimes tell a different story. We give our best hours, energy and attention to the urgent, and leave what matters most for whatever time remains.

Stephen Covey wrote: “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” The Torah reminds us that priorities are not only what we believe; they are reflected in the order in which we live.

As we enter the summer months, take holidays and perhaps have a little more time to consider how we are spending our days, Moshe’s words remain as relevant as ever. Put first things first. Make time for your children, your family and your friends. Be present with the people you love. Work will always find another task, another email and another deadline. Time with those we love is far harder to replace.

SHABBAT SHALOM